Hufflepuffs: The Forgotten House

Although J.K. would never explicitly state this, it has become apparent that Hufflepuffs are not really on par with the other houses at Hogwarts. In so many words, she paints them as a house for overweight, out of shape, slow moving, bad-in-bed, boring-but-still-nice people. Though the sorting hat tries to spin it with words like “loyal,” the reality is that even Dumbledoor and the sorting hat have trouble remembering this house. As described in Book 5:

Slytherin took only pure-blood wizards
And only those of sharpest mind were
Were taught by Ravenclaw
While the brages and the boldest
Went to daring Gryffindor.
Good Hufflepuff, she took the rest.

On the bright side, they aren’t evil, arrogant, or obnoxious like Harry, Hermione, and Draco, but they certainly aren’t the ones you want to be in a relationship with on Facebook. Occasionally you can get one that seems like they have a personality because they won the gene pool lottery, like Cedric, but in reality, they still don’t bring much to the table and will probably keel over when the pressure is on (see Book 4).

As for why J.K. Rowling seems to think that these types need to be singled out in one house, one can only conclude that the she herself seems to have an insecurity problem about being a Starfish. She is always going on about how she sees herself as Hermione, but in reality, she deep down is probably a (I would insert a name of a well known Hufflepuff here...but the truth I can’t even remember anyone in particular from that house.)

Even it's name sends red flags, as broken down by Urban Dictionary:

1.) “Huffle”: to use the armpit for sexual gratification

2.) “Puff” : a man who is gay or is acting really queerly.

3.) Hufflepuff: Although a well known house of Hogwarts, an individual Hufflepuff is a mysterious creature. Nobody is quite sure what it is, exactly, but they are often said be great finders.

It’s mascot, the badger, which is also the verb for “Verb. To bother incessantly,” is only about the size of a dog, and in no way compares to the Eagle, Lion, and Serpent of the more impressive houses. In conclusion, the moral of the story is don't go into battle with a Hufflepuff, as one can assume that the patronus charms of Hufflepuffs are flobbery starfish that have no hope of even distracting a dementor.